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#12 Your Presence is our Present

"Let’s talk about gifts, baby - Let’s talk about you and me - Let’s talk about all the good things...Salt n Pepa? Anyone? Ok. In this episode, Christy and Michelle talk about the wedding registry. Where to register, how to register, what’s new in the world of wedding registries, our advice, our experiences and our favorite wedding gifts. Listen to this episode and learn all about wedding gifts, from couple, to guest, to planner.Big TakeawaysIf you want to register for gifts, there are MANY options available. We recommend registering at a ‘traditional’ store like Target or Crate and Barrel, especially if you have a bunch of older guests coming (ages 50 and above). Your relatives want to get you something that you want, but they want to go about getting it their way! Your guests may also want to bring an actual gift, rather than have it delivered to you ahead of time.Most stores offer an incentive when you register with them, and offer a discount on whatever you don’t end up getting as a gift. Amazon Prime offers a pretty good deal too.Michelle and Christy should be sponsored by the stores we mention more than 3 times in an episode. DO YOU HEAR US, ZOLA AND CRATE AND BARREL? Omg - how much do we love those nesting bowls?!Write thank you notes for your wedding gifts! It’s just the right thing to do, y’all.Links we referencedOnline places to register:
Zola - Millennials love this site. Michelle and I are big fans, it’s an impressive set-up.
Honeyfund
Amazon
I Do Foundation
JustGive
Stores we love and mentioned:
Crate and Barrel
Anthropologie
Target
Quotes“If you don’t have a wedding registry, you are taking the risk of getting some crazy tacky gifts.” - Michelle, bottom line.“The truth is: that little gun thing that you get to use when you register, it’s really fun.” - Christy, about the only gun she likes: a gift registry gun.“Nesting bowls encapsulate everything you are...it’s the one single item that best defines Michelle Martinez.” - Christy, describing her dear friend and co-host MichelleGet In TouchLet us know if you have any questions you need answered on the show or if you want to share your own wedding planning experiences!TWITTER: @TBWPpodcastEMAIL: thebigweddingplanningpodcast@gmail.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

#11 Can My Kids Come To Your Wedding?

Michelle and Christy tackle kids on this episode. Not literally, of course. We seldom actually tackle kids, but if you end up having a bunch of kids at your wedding and they ruin everything, you may want to tackle a couple of them. On the flip side, kids are awesome and may just take your big ‘ol family wedding from fun to AMAZING, so let’s dish about it...as we do!Big TakeawaysThere are several ways to make it clear to your invitees that you don’t want kids at your wedding Put it on the invitation and the wedding website. Enlist the MOMS, tell your moms and tell them to spread the word.You are not obligated to entertain the kids at your wedding - but if you can, we suggest you do. Provide kids meals, pay for event sitters to chill with the kids in an adjacent room. Set up a special table with customized baskets filled with crayons and coloring books.As always - we suggest you make the best decision for YOU, and let the chips fall where they may.Links we referenced
Care.com - Event SittersQuotes we referenced“It’s your wedding, it’s your decision. Don’t worry about people getting upset on that day. Worry about YOU, and having a great time.”-Michelle, BOOM.“Where are they going to put them to bed and where will they be when I come in later and I’m totally hammered and I want to have some fun with my husband?”-Michelle, asking the question of the ages about how exactly kids are going to cock-block on a fun date-night“Kids are weird. They’re going to have like one bite, go out on the dance floor and spin around on their heads, then come back and finish it off. Think about what you’re going to serve them, how you’re going to serve them and what time.”-ChristyGet In TouchLet us know if you have any questions you need answered on the show or if you want to share your own wedding planning experiences!TWITTER: @TBWPpodcastEMAIL: thebigweddingplanningpodcast@gmail.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

#10 Don’t Get Crazy!

Wedding Planning can be a stressful, unenjoyable, expectation-crushing, soul sucking experience that drives you to the absolute brink of relationship death! But it doesn’t have to be this way. In this episode, we debunk the stress-myth and share our vast experience about how to keep your eye on the prize and your feet on the ground as you plan your wedding. Stay alert and stay alive, y’all. Shit just got real!Big Takeaways
Hey, maybe now is a good time to pick up yoga or meditation! Commit, Connect, Communicate. Remember that the wedding planning process is a journey - the wedding is not the end goal. It’s the marriage that you are beginning! Don’t let the planning consume your life.
Really try hard not to obsess over the details. Pick your battles! It’s cliche, but in wedding planning, it’s life.
Figure out how to share the workload (see the link below) so that you are both involved and invested. The wedding day does not belong to one partner - it is a ritualistic day that you experience as a couple. A day to celebrate your relationship and get you started off on the right foot for your life together.
Once again, we go over how you have to figure out your budget first. It’s a trickle down effect for all wedding planning. If you’re vague about it, it’s going to be a bigger issue down the road.
We probably say the word BREATHE about 50 times in this episode (Ok, maybe like a dozen). Can you tell that we deal with this a lot?
We are big proponents of ‘wedding planning breaks’. “We were taking A BREAK!” (Friends. Anyone? Anyone?)
Links we referenced
Is It Our Day Or The Bride's Day? The Division Of Wedding Labor And It's Meaning For Couples
An article we reference which is spot on and we highly recommend it.
Surprisingly Awesome is a podcast that Michelle LOVES. Especially the two episodes about wedding planning. https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/surprisingly-awesome/id1053898371?mt=2
Quotes“A wedding is a representation of ourselves - of our identity as a couple. We are illuminating and displaying it for our family and friends on our wedding day. It’s a union to bring together our family and best friends...this is the village. We are creating something new with this marriage….This is a recipe for crazy.” -Michelle. We get it. Michelle frames it.“Let this podcast redirect the focus, if you are in the thick of planning your wedding or if you’re just counting down the last couple weeks until your wedding...like, take a deep breath. This is just the beginning - it’s like a fun, opening day party for the rest of your life and relationship. Recognize that no matter what happens, at the end of this day - you will be married!” -Christy. Hey, if you are going to meditate, you can use this as your mantra.“Once a decision is made, move on. That’s a big piece of advice for ‘don’t get crazy’. ...Don’t waste brain energy and time on decisions that have already been made. Let it go. Move on.” -Christy. Seriously, move on.Get In TouchLet us know if you have any questions you need answered on the show or if you want to share your own wedding planning experiences!TWITTER: @TBWPpodcastEMAIL: thebigweddingplanningpodcast@gmail.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

#9 The Wedding Planner

It can get confusing. Wedding Planner, Wedding Consultant, Day Of Coordination, Month Of Coordination, the venue has a coordinator, we don’t blame you for being confused. In this episode, we discuss and explain in depth all of the terms and services so that it all makes sense.Big Take Aways
Christy and Michelle share their airplane rituals, drinking tricks, and Garage Band editing prowess. We aren’t just Wedding Planners, we’re real people, y’all! Also, Christy is into the podcast ‘My Dad Wrote a Porno’, check it out, you’ll thank us later.
Wedding Planners come in many shapes and sizes! And titles. A planner and coordinator are similar – engaged couples hire them and then the planner works with the couple directly, providing guidance and references, helping with the timeline and all the logistics, as an advocate and liaison for the couple. A venue coordinator works for the venue, not for the couple, necessarily. A designer primarily works on the way a wedding looks and feels, not the details and logistics of the day.
Most planners typically offer 3 basic services: Month Of Planning, Partial Planning, Full Planning. Compare prices, but also compare exactly what each planner offers within these categories.
Be weary and get educated about ‘Day Of Wedding Coordination’ – Don’t hire someone that says they will just work 8 hours on the wedding day and it will all be fine...it won’t be.
We think that Month of Coordination is an incredible value and we highly recommend hiring a planner for this service.
Links We ReferencedCertification course that Michelle and Christy both took to become certified wedding consultants: https://www.ce.csueastbay.edu/ce/programs/wedding-planner/Episode Quotes“CWC – Certified Wedding Consultant, that is my official title. General lingo on the street is ‘wedding planner’.” “As consultants, you do some teaching, I do some speaking, we’re getting paid to do things other than actual wedding planning, which is our expertise, more of a consultant. Also, working with a couple for only a couple of hours, to answer questions, and that feels more like consulting than planning.” – Christy and Michelle, discussing their title. Confused yet?“I am of the opinion that there is no such thing as a true ‘Day of Planner’ – no matter what they call themselves, it’s not possible to do a good job by just showing up on the day of the wedding and getting a bit of info from the bride and just planning the wedding from that point. That’s just a recipe for disaster.” –Christy, on a ‘day of wedding planning’“About a month before – Boom! There’s all these details! And at that point, you don’t want your phone ringing off the hook with vendors asking questions, or your email inundated with all these questions about details while you are trying to get things done in your real life – like work!” - Michelle, on what a great Month-of wedding planner will help you withGet In TouchLet us know if you have questions you need answered on the show or want to share your own wedding planning experiences!TWITTER: @TBWPpodcastEMAIL: thebigweddingplanningpodcast@gmail.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

#8 Real Couple Q&A

You’ve got questions, we’ve got answers! This is our first episode featuring questions about weddings from our current and former clients, and our friends planning weddings. Keep ‘em coming! We love answering YOUR questions.Big Take Aways
Bridesmaids – different sizes, shapes and styles…also sometimes they’re pregnant! What are the best ways to choose dresses for the big day? We recommend that you allow your bridesmaids to choose their own dresses…but there are options here. And, as usual, pros and cons.
What’s the difference between ‘Black Tie’ and ‘Black Tie optional’? What’s the best wording to put on your invitation if you want a formal wedding? The main difference is that the men wear a tux as opposed to a nice suit.
Lots of questions came in about budget and saving money, so we have tips, yes we do! Negotiating with vendors…is that a thing? Why yes it is. Listen and learn.
Links we referencedWeddington Way for bridesmaids dresses: https://www.weddingtonway.comJ Crew for wedding parties: https://www.jcrew.com/weddingBHLDN by Anthropology for bridesmaids: http://www.bhldn.com/bridesmaids-view-all-dresses/?cm_sp=LANDING--20161011_maids_cat-_-viewall_catMod Cloth for bridesmaids: http://www.modcloth.com/shop/bridesmaid-dresses?featuring=143681Episode Quotes“If you put the words ‘Black Tie’ on your invitation, you are setting the tone for the entire wedding” –Christy and Michelle agree on this. Make it fancy!“Do you like it? Freaking do it, man! It’s your wedding! My opinion doesn’t matter here.” –Michelle, on whether or not she’s into choreographed wedding dancesGet In TouchLet us know if you have any questions you need answered on the show or if you want to share your own wedding planning experiences!TWITTER: @TBWPpodcastEMAIL: thebigweddingplanningpodcast@gmail.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

#7 Gay Weddings with Guest Bernadette Smith

We are HUGE proponents of Marriage Equality and have been allies to the LGBTQ community long before the SCOTUS landmark decision in 2015. We are thrilled to interview our friend and mentor, Bernadette Smith in this episode!Big Take Aways
Bernadette Smith is our awesome friend and the owner of 14 Stories, the nation’s first wedding planning firm dedicated to same-sex couples. She also runs the Equality Institute and the Gay Wedding Institute. She is the foremost expert on gay weddings and we are so stoked to be interviewing her for our podcast!
Bernadette’s favorite podcasts: Fresh Air, WTF with Marc Maron, On Point, and 99% Invisible
http://www.npr.org/podcasts/381444908/fresh-air
http://www.wtfpod.com
http://www.npr.org/podcasts/510053/on-point-with-tom-ashbrook
http://99percentinvisible.org
Since the Marriage Equality ruling, a huge market has opened up for gay weddings and we love every bit of it! New trends and traditions, inclusive language, adjusted marketing, and cultural sensitivity – we talk about it all during this episode. Gay weddings are changing the wedding industry – listen and find out how, and why.
Links we referencedBernadette Smith’s Companies:14 Stories - http://www.14stories.comGay Wedding Institute - http://gayweddinginstitute.comBernadette on HuffPost - http://www.huffingtonpost.com/bernadette-coveney-smith/same-sex-weddings_b_4399014.htmlEpisode Quotes“Bernadette Smith’s life work is to ensure that same-sex couples, no matter where they live, have the most positive, supportive experience while planning their wedding. In addition to being a wedding planner, Bernadette is building a global tribe of wedding professionals who are sensitive, trained and ready.” – Our intro to Bernadette!“That’s how I built my career – looking around and seeing what needs are not being met, and then asking myself if I can meet those needs, if I had an interest in meeting those needs. “ - BernadetteGet In TouchLet us know if you have any questions you need answered on the show or if you want to share your own wedding planning experiences!TWITTER: @TBWPpodcastEMAIL: thebigweddingplanningpodcast@gmail.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

#6 Matt and Amanda - Part 1 - A Real Engaged Couple

This is Part 1 of our multi-episode series with engaged couple Matt Gourley and Amanda Lund. We play the Newlywed Game and get to know our bride and groom – super fun! Matt and Amanda share their insight about wedding planning and podcasts and Disneyland. We will check in with them later in the planning process (wedding is in May 2017), and again after the wedding.Big Take Aways
Our couple talks about the DIY aspects of the wedding and how they had to reconcile their expensive taste with their real wedding budget. This is a common hurdle. Stay tuned to see how Matt and Amanda handle it. Deal-breakers and compromises make the wedding planning world go round!
Guestlist: Matt and Amanda have big families and lots of mutual friends, but the guestlist has definitely been the biggest challenge so far in wedding planning process. They have an A and B list for the invitees – do you?? Let us know how you decided who to invite to the wedding. Did you have a B-list?
Links we referencedMatt’s podcasts: I was there too, Pistol Shrimps Radio, James Bonding, SuperEgo http://www.earwolf.com/person/matt-gourley/Amanda is on the Pistol Shrimps! http://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/aubrey-plaza-pistol-shrimps-meet-basketball-team-made/story?id=40258722The Newlywed Game – best answer ever. (Please see quotes below.) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4XM5hbS7GlUEpisode Quotes“What’s the strangest place you’ve ever made whoopee?” “That’d be the butt, Bob!”–we collectively remember and quote The Newlywed Game’s best Q&A ever. It may be the very inspiration for this episode.“I’ve always wanted to walk with a cane. Not like a pimp, but like a gentleman with an old war wound. …I feel like a distinguished English detective.”–Matt, on his secret desires.“I’m really good at Search-a-Word. I love it.” “I think it’s so funny that you don’t think that’s funny!”-Michelle and Christy about Michelle’s favorite past time. Who knew?!“I’m most worried we’ll be in a Donald Trump presidency.”–Matt, on what worries he has for his wedding day. Fingers crossed! #werewithher“I mean, wedding planning. It’s a real doozy.”–Amanda, pretty much summarizing this entire podcast theme!Get In TouchLet us know if you have any questions you need answered on the show or if you want to share your own wedding planning experiences!TWITTER: @TBWPpodcastEMAIL: thebigweddingplanningpodcast@gmail.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

#5 The Guest List

In this episode, we dive into the GUEST LIST. Do you need to cut the Guest List? How? How many guests is too much? Should you let mom create her own list? How to narrow down who is getting invited to your wedding and how to organize it. This is a tricky process and we offer our personal and professional advice on how to navigate it.Big Take Aways
We are big proponents of a two-part organization process. First, both partners need to write down everyone they want to invite, and then you divide those lists into A and B lists. Compare notes and go from there. Ok, so it’s a three or four part process, but still, we break it down for you.
Personal moment alert! Christy shares her biggest regret planning her own wedding 8 years ago. Hint: It had to do with the guestlist!
The guest list can be the most challenging part of the wedding planning process for some couples. We suggest creating your guest list together during the very first phase of the wedding planning process. Take into consideration the size of your budget and the physical constraints of your venue.
Like everything else with wedding planning, you need to compromise. If you want a VERY expensive reception meal and the top tier bar package, you will likely need to invite fewer guests. How do you cross people off the invite list? This is the hard part. One rule of thumb and questions to ask yourself: Have you seen this person in the last year? Are you likely to see them in the year following your wedding?
Do you have to include a ‘Plus One’ on your invitations? Michelle and Christy discuss the options here. Our opinion? Yes, yes you do. (For the most part…)
Destination weddings! They’re a little different when it comes to your guest list. Typically, you’ll invite fewer people, and fewer people will RSVP with a yes. The earlier you get out your Save The Date, the better. You’re requesting more from your guests with a destination wedding…they need to plan ahead!
Links we referencedHere’s a blog post on the Allure Consulting site that breaks down the budget and guest list – including Michelle’s advice for the A and B list: http://www.allureconsulting.com/allure-wedding-consulting-blog/category/how-much-should-i-budget-for-my-weddingEpisode Quotes“7 years later, I definitely think we made some wrong decisions. Friends of mine, friendships that have lasted much past the wedding, that I didn’t invite…where I think we went wrong is that we should have made room, or put it on a credit card, to invite people who were so special to me and that weren’t at my wedding.” –Christy, on her own wedding planning regrets“I’ve done a Hindu wedding where the bride and groom didn’t have any say in their wedding, but that’s the cultural norm and the couple was ok with that…but typically, for the majority of our weddings, the couple is paying for most of the wedding. So the guest list should ultimately be up to the couple getting married.” – Michelle, on the proportion of guests the parents typically invite“You can’t make everybody happy! And you want to please your future-mother-in-law and you don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. But when it comes down to it, you don’t want to regret anything. And people will get over it.” -MichelleGet In TouchLet us know if you have any questions you need answered on the show or if you want to share your own wedding planning experiences!TWITTER: @TBWPpodcastEMAIL: thebigweddingplanningpodcast@gmail.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

#4 Budget - How Much?

You’re engaged. You know you want a wedding. How much does a wedding cost? How do you figure it out? We school you on how to create your wedding budget.Big Take Aways
Michelle and Christy have a special formula to figure out the budget:
Geographic Location + Number of Guests + Style of Wedding = Wedding Budget
Always have a range for your budget instead of a firm number. But BE REALISTIC and honest with each other about this range and your individual priorities.
Everything is negotiable! Venue managers want your business. Don’t be shy - tell the venue manager what your budget is (for room rental, food, beverage) and they will tell you if they can make it work.
Lots of articles and resources out there can tell us what an ‘average’ wedding costs. Here is what most of them mean by ‘average’: 125 guests, hotel ballroom or wedding venue with basic rentals included in their wedding package, DJ (no band), centerpieces and personal flowers. No elaborate floral installation, etc. You get the point.
Links we referencedwww.theweddingreport.com - Plug in the zip-code of where you want to have your wedding and find out the average cost for a ‘typical’ wedding in that geographic area. (Under ‘Market Search’)Wedding Wire Budget Guide: http://publications.weddingwire.com/i/644940-weddingwire-budget-guide-2016Episode Quotes“There are ways to plug in numbers and get some information on the front end so that all the math trickles out and you can see how it all affects everything else and where you need to move some money around. So we are advocates of spreadsheets and Excel formulas. We are into that. “ - Christy, on what turns wedding planners on“And please, please make this the first thing you do in the planning process: Come up with a budget. Please don’t call vendors before knowing your budget. Figure out your budget first and foremost, before anything. “ - Michelle, begging you to decide on the big numbers!“No matter what your budget is, just make this wedding about you. Customize it to you. “ –Michelle, Don’t get her started on cookie-cutter weddings…Get In TouchLet us know if you have questions you need answered on the show or want to share your own wedding planning experiences!TWITTER: @TBWPpodcastEMAIL: thebigweddingplanningpodcast@gmail.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

#3 Firsts

In this episode, we discuss the FIRST things couples experience when planning a wedding. We share the lessons learned by real couples, and we offer our guidance & advice for navigating this exciting, often anxiety-inducing time. This episode features lots of quotes from Real Couples that we surveyed. Hindsight is 20/20 y'all!Big Take Aways
Christy and Michelle are veritable technological geniuses. The world of podcasting is lucky to have them.
Take time to enjoy being engaged and celebrating that milestone. When you are ready to jump into planning, consider the big ideas first…budget, venue, guestlist.
Shotgun weddings are pretty common! Christy talks about her own. We believe that the universe always has a way of working out – even with wedding planning!
The main similarities between the engaged couples we surveyed – in terms of the first things they thought about and dealt with during wedding planning: concern and confusion over the overall budget, figuring out the guestlist, managing the expectations of parents and friends, whether or not they can/should hire a planner
Hiring a wedding planner is a luxury for some and a necessity for others. VERY helpful for anyone that can swing it. VERY.
Links we referencedNone (accept to mention the Apple store class offerings)Episode Quotes“At the end of the night, when I was exhausted, I had to take off my shoes and pick all that shit up.” - Michelle, lamenting the fact that she didn’t have a wedding planner for her own wedding“If a female cousin of mine is getting married and she’s NOT pregnant, it’s a surprise. We’re all like, ‘You’re getting married?! Why? You aren’t even pregnant!’ “ - Christy, from a family of Fertile MyrtlesGet In TouchLet us know if you have questions you need answered on the show or if you want to share your own wedding planning experiences!TWITTER: @TBWPpodcastEMAIL: thebigweddingplanningpodcast@gmail.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices